I have been watching a singing competition called X-Factor on television. This is not my kind of music (if indeed it is music at all), but I want to know what people are listening to, and the audience for this show has been estimated at some 12 million people.
The X-Factor supposedly was judge Simon Cowell’s nose-thumbing to the runaway success American Idol. The similarities between the two shows are more remarkable than the differences (Pepsi vs. Coke), and they do not compete against each other, since Idol does not resume until January, 2012. Thousands of youngish men and women, most of them delusional, audition from every part of the country. Each one whose face makes it to television says “This is my dream” and “I want this so much” and “I’ve been singing since I was three years old.” Often they cry and tell something sad about their life.
A few of these thousands are chosen and perform pop songs in front of four judges. Idol has an audience and a band; X-Factor does not, at least not yet, and it uses recorded accompaniments instead of live musicians, though there are grand pianos sitting around for atmosphere.
The top prize in X-Factor is five million dollars and a recording contract. One contestant, filmed on the grounds of a judge’s Malibu estate, said “If I win the five million dollars, I’m going to buy a house like this.” Beachfront Malibu property goes for sums in the forty millions, and this young man is not going to win because he doesn’t fit the image which appeals to the target audience.
Target audiences for recordings are age 14 to 24, for radio 15-30. The 40-year-old African-American with the stunning vocal ornaments may make it into the finals, but she will not win.
To win, here’s what you need: A commercially viable appearance and sound, the right combination of conformity and individuality. True, you should try to sing in tune, but more importantly, you should be cute and confident. People of color rarely win American Idol, nor do homosexuals (Adam should have won.) I have yet to see an Asian contestant, though I may have missed something; I can only stand so much.
Finalists do get some advertising work, and some Idol winners have gone on to have recording careers. I would like to think that the also-rans get royalties, but I’d be willing to bet that they signed away this right when they auditioned.
Idol/X Factor music is generally aimed at an audience older than the pre-teens who launched Spice Girls and Justin Bieber to fame. Some of the music, however, still fits the Wiki definition of Bubblegum, being “ pop music... produced in an assembly-line process, driven by producers, often using unknown singers...” “The songs typically have singalong choruses, seemingly childlike themes and a contrived innocence, occasionally combined with an undercurrent of sexual double entendre. Bubblegum songs are also defined as having a catchy melody, simple chords, simple harmonies, dancy (but not necessarily danceable) beats, repetitive riffs or “hooks”, use of solfege syllables and a vocally-multiplied refrain.”
I wish Coke and Pepsi would set up an education program for all these thousands of people who have been singing since they were three, or else contribute substantially to existing programs. I wish they would send lots of money to Gustavo Dudamel, the young conductor of the Los Angeles Philharmonic, who is launching a wonderful music education program similar to the one in which he studied in Venezuela. Gustavo has probably been singing since he was three, he’s cute, he’s smart, and by golly, he can even read music. He makes a base salary of a million and a quarter a year, recording contracts, I don’t know what all. Importantly, he will still be doing his job when nobody remembers American Idol or X-Factor.
Meanwhile, here is some advice for Idol/X-Factor contestants: If Simon mentions phrasing, try to find out what that means. Do not scream. Do not perform your original song, because it isn’t any good and nobody wants to hear it. “Make it your own” does not mean distorting the song beyond all recognition. Songs have composers. Please use the name of the composer rather than that of the performer when you say what you’re singing. If you have religious views, keep them to yourself. This is the Temple of Mammon, after all. Try to keep a vestige of dignity. Sing TO the judges, not AT them.
